Pupilla Lovesong

// Laura Fairgrieve

When I see your pupils
my body shrinks

I wriggle in        a petri dish
too small to       reach the sides
I forget        how to swim

‘to look babies’
to stare so hard
you see yourself
as a little doll
in the other’s eyes

a version of me that
is a tiny doll floating
in your pupils
but really it’s
all a black circle to me
I am a beige doll
thrown against         a pitch backdrop

to look circles
into the centers of you
where everything        drains into
a          dark pupil
the doll spins its            cycles out
limp like in            a washing machine

Pupilla–  Latin–     pupil
little doll
little doll
to stare lovingly into
each other’s eyes
am I a part of this
is lovingly            supposed to feel
like the      sides are         too far away
like beige      pressed        against the nothing
like     shrinking
like     limp
like     doll
like     tiny

like      kissing the pavement        outside the courthouse
a burn on my face         at the beginning        of March
like being a woman in public       my bedroom feeling like public
like nowhere       to hide
like being shoved         under the microscope          no cover to pull

doll spinning         down  drain

like tiny          like this